ayah 2

I miss him.. On this beautiful Friday, I really really miss him...

I'm all adult now, but deep inside, I'm still my daddy's little girl. There are just too many things that we haven't done together yet, and too many things I haven't done for him....

I miss you, ayah...

Aishah rindu sangat2 kat ayah...

ayah

today marks the 2nd months of my dad leaving us, leaving the world menuju ke alam barzakh. And yet, I feel like it was only happening 2 hours ago.

Memang redha, but put yourself in my shoes. Pemergian yg sgt mengejut, akan mengambil masa yg lama untuk sembuh, compare dengan kita tengok dia sakit depan mata.. Apepun, hidup perlu diteruskan.. Aku redha dgn ketentuan Allah.. Dia perancang yang Maha Hebat. Ujian ni sangatlah sedikit kalau nk dibandingkan dengan ujian2 yg diturunkan untuk Nabi Muhammad s.a.w dan para sahabat kn? Someday, somehow, kita semua akan ke sana juga.

Apa perasaan korang kalau terjumpa dgn kenderaan yg sama that took away the life of your loved ones? yes, pagi semalam ternampak lori yg langgar arwah ayah kat sini, nibong tebal. rasa macam jantung ngan masa terbenti sekejap. pegang stering kete pun macam tak pegang dah..

rasa macam nak turun dari kete pastu nk pi cakap kt drebar tu.."lori ni yg langgar bapak saya, tau x??!!" tapi tu semua angan2 mat jenin je..kalau pikir2 pun, lori tu x salah.. ayah mmg tbe2 tjatuh, and the lorry was there, as destined by God. bukan dia yg langgar ayah ke ape, cuma badan ayah terkena skit kt tayar lori tu..

bila tngok badan ayah, rasa macam x percaya ayah kene langgar dgn lori, sebab luar ALHAMDULILLAH sempurna sgt2.. aku bersyukur tak terhingga kat tuhan. kepala sikit pun x pecah, koyak or ape2.. cuma kt dagu ayah je ada luka kecik.. cuma dalaman ayah yg mmg teruk & x dpt diselamatkan..

selalu jugak mimpi ayah datang, senyum2 pastu ayah pergi.. adik ada mimpi ayah jugak, adik tanya mcm mana boleh eksiden, tapi ayah senyap je, smbil senyum2 ayah geleng kepala..

terasa memang berat sgt2 dugaan ni, separuh semangat hilang terus. kalau dulu, balik rumah rasa sgt2 excited nk jmpa ayah, jumpa umi.. tapi skrg, bila balik drive sorg2, perasaan rs lemah, lesu.. rumah tu pun mcm x bermaya sekarang.. rasa kosong sangat, besar sangat rumah tu...

al-fatihah utkmu ayah. insyaAllah satu hati nanti jika diizinkan tuhan, kita semua akan jumpa di sana... I miss you, I love youu.. so much! tak puas rasanya cium ayah banyak2 hari tu.. if and only if, I could spend one more day with you.....

ni la lori yg langgar ayah, tahu lori ni sebab aku ingat plat no dia.. sampai mati akan aku ingat. tp sgt2 x sangka bleh tjmpa kt sini, masa otw hantar eka pi usm main campus..

tick tock the clock is ticking

I'm missing this blog already. Lots of stories to be told, but I'm not sure it'd be worthy enough to be written here. For example:

1) I'm penniless, up until this moment.
2) my life is turning upside down, in a biggg way!
3) I don't know if I can ever finish what I started before. Can I?

wake up call

sometimes, in this life, we need something powerful that will wake us up, so that we can stop dreaming about things.

yes, kenyataan itu mungkin pedih, tapi itu realiti. sebanyak mana kita menidakkan, selagi tu kita akan kerap kali disakiti.

so, wake up! bepijak di bumi yg nyata. redha dengan ketentuanNya.

afterall, tak semua benda yg kita nak sesuai untuk kita. Tuhan tau ape yg terbaik. Just wait and see.

So, sy nak berhenti berharap sejak 17/11/2011. All I want now is to be content with the life that I have right now, at this moment.

lost.

sometimes I wonder, does life being unfair to me or is it the other way around? Is it me? or is it me that is lack of planning, and thus, things didn't go as planned? or is it me who didn't know how to grab things at its best? and thus, I'm falling apart?

I don't know. All I know now is I feel lost. I feel something is missing. I feel distance. I feel hopeless, I feel nothing and something at the same time. I feel like I'm wasted my precious times. I feel like I'm the one who should be blamed.

Oh Allah, only You know what's best for me. Forgive me for all of my wrongdoings, forgive me..