lost.

sometimes I wonder, does life being unfair to me or is it the other way around? Is it me? or is it me that is lack of planning, and thus, things didn't go as planned? or is it me who didn't know how to grab things at its best? and thus, I'm falling apart?

I don't know. All I know now is I feel lost. I feel something is missing. I feel distance. I feel hopeless, I feel nothing and something at the same time. I feel like I'm wasted my precious times. I feel like I'm the one who should be blamed.

Oh Allah, only You know what's best for me. Forgive me for all of my wrongdoings, forgive me..

entry after midnight..

everytime I look at those pictures, my heart's aching. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I just can't help it..

That should be me.... Ironically, I keep on repeating the song by Justin Bieber, That Should Be Me... aha!

on the other hands, I think I'm getting good at doing things consistently, except for a few minor things that I should really work my butt off! Giddy up lazy ass!

and I'm superliking this statement at the moment, "do not wait for things to happen, you MAKE them happen!" and yes, I did make 'em happen! Abaikan saja mereka2 yg suka menunggu bagai bulan jatuh ke riba itu! I hope I'm not givin' up on anything, anything at all, yet..

p/s: rest in peace Marco Simoncelli.. he died during the race at Sepang GP circuit, at such a young age. That reminds me, ajal tak mengenal usia...

helloo...

rindu rasa nak menaip kt blog ni.. banyak kali dah masuk dan tekan butang "create new post", but after a while, tak sampai satu baris menaip, dah takde mood @ tak tahu nak macam mana nak teruskan penulisan tu.. adakah itu tanda2 orang yg super malas?

There are too many things to write, about everything actually. But then, I don't have the courage to write them all up here. Instead, memujuk hati sendiri dengan menaip di handphone kesayangan.

I'm back in Penang! The raya fun's over already, and it's time to face the reality. It was true, though, about people saying that the closer you are to finish your study, the more obstacles will come! True enough!

As for me, the problems are:

1) ada lagi satu sampel je untuk finish grinding, then that one damn day, the machine stopped abruptly! bila kita dah selalu guna benda yg sama tiap2 hari, for sure you'll notice the difference, right? rupa2nya the timing belt putus! adding to my "excitement", pak ngah orang kuat lab cakap belt tu tak pernah putus since the machine first came here! what a nice timing, eh belt?

2) the pressure!
- of cos, siapa yg tanak habes cepat kan? but, when one party keeps on pushing you to finish a.s.a.p, lagi rasa tak boleh nak buat!

3) the income
-yes, the risk of being a student, is money. I'm not a scholarshio holder, cuma all my yuran are paid by the gomen, the Bajet Mini one. elaun bulanan guna geran. So, bila geran ada mslh, memang takkan dapat duit.

korang boleh argue, ala, setakat student, ape sangat la nak bayar? I've my own responsibility too, things utk dibayar bulan2:

- bil hp
-kereta
-bilik
- makan minum?
- ptptn

so, jangan ingat kami student mak ayah still tanggung. FYI, dah lama kot tak mintak duit dari mak ayah. susah senang memang pandai2 sendiri.

just recently kene pindah ke bilik baru yg a lot bigger, but then we have to pay 3 months deposit + sewa sebulan, lebih kurang 500++ kene bayar. boleh bayangkan tak mcm mana? elaun bulanan memang tak banyak.. luckily my roomate sudi guna duit dia dulu. and I'm very much thankful for that.

raya haritu dengan tak bergaji, memang super gloomy sebab dapat tolong umi ayah sikit je. baju raya lagi la, satu pun tak beli. just recycle yg tahun2 lepas punya.

kalau pikir2 balik, memang akan think twice @ a bit regret sebab I chose this way. But then, it's my choice, my responsibility!

The education may be bitter, but the fruits are sweet - as one of my fb friend said.

I may not reach for the fruit yet, but I must not give up!