i don't need you, or you, or you!

sedih bila semua bnda yg kita buat, ade saje yg tak kene di mata seseorang.

salah ke?

so, x perlu buat ape2 lg untuk impress sape2.. buat habes beras je. sikit pun org tak hargai.

moral of the story? - jgn duk sibuk terhegeh2 sayang kat org lain lebih dr syg diri sendiri. some people really don't know how to appreciate you kindness, your affection towards them!

yg penting, tuhan tetap ade dgn kita 24/7..

orang lain, bleh blah! konon cakap itu ini, tapi die pun 2 x 5 jugak. hampeh!

it's a lesson worth remembering.

pffft!

oh yeah, hari ni rasa sangat lah loser. I dont have any mood to do anything, even takut sv mintak chapter 123..

the reason being is that, tak bangun sahur!

since last week dh praktis utk puasa, together with menggantikan puasa2, tapi, ye lah, rasa sedih sebab dah excited beli makanan siap2 malam tadi, dengan harapan nak bangun & bersahur happily.. tapi.. hampeh! totally like a loser!

and when I mengadu2 kat encik naim, die senyap je.. bila tanya, nape senyap? he answered like this.. "x tahu nak cakap ape, speechless, sebab tak sangka dedicated sangat nak bangun sahur, pastu boleh sedih..."

and I was like..."ohhh.. salah ke sedih tak bangun sahur? "

it's more like being angry actually, rather than feelin' sad. angry of not being able to stick to the plan that I've made... urgh! pfftt!

no body's perfect.. but.....

as I grow up, I see more people, and I see more of the dark side of human, me included. (to say that I'm not perfect too!)...

but despite of the imperfection that we, as human do possess, we should be able to think rationally rather than emotionally, as God has given us BRAIN, and our abilities to fully utilize it..

as for my own opinion, it is not wrong for us to have some sort of jealousy towards other people, provided that the jealousy is in a good way, as in to improve ourselves to be better, to provide more for our families, and make sure that they live comfortably and happily ever after... (though the "ever after" term has varies definitions according to different people with different culture)..
but, there is one small group of people, this little group of people who loves to ruin other people's happiness! damn you to the deepest pit of hell!

it seems like they do not have the time of their lives to make good deeds, other than say something bad about others in their back. and more often than not, they will just smile in front of us and act like nothing happen.

you, of all people should change woman! show some proper behavior in front of your kids. and speaking of kids, no wonder they don't treat you as a real mother, cos you, yourself never, in return, treat them equally right, as a person and as a kid.

lu pikir la sendiri..

in any aspect of life, kalau sorang je yg bg komitmen terhadap sesuatu, benda yang simple pun takkan jadi kan? kalau 2 org yg pttnye bekerjasama & saling percaya, tapi sebelah pihak je yg betul2 bagi komitmn, memang habuk pun takkan dapat hasilnye kan? kn?

so, kalau memang rase taknak bagi komitmen & participate, bgtahu awal2, so sebelah pihak takyah susah2 pikir yg die dh buat yg terbaik & anggap partner die pun buat benda yg same juge,padahal.. paham2 lah sendiri ye...

betul jugak org cakap, expect less n work more. buat sorang2 lagi baik kot.

lu pikir la sendiri....

luahan hati seorang pelajar

kdg2, ok, bukan kdg2, but more often than always, sll sgt rs nk give up my masters degree, and proceed dgn carik keje. *sigh* it's not that I don't have a good supervisor, he is more than good enough, believe me you. Tp environment sekeliling yg pd pndangan aku, do not offer much favor to me. Did i choose the wrong path? mungkin sy x layak kot nk smbung2 blaja nih..

And I think yes....I do! :(

But it is too late to change the course of my life. What we do today, is the choice made by us.

The only solution possible is to change my response (mood utk teruskn study) to the event (my current research) to get the expected outcome (me graduated with flying colors!)

Thanks to Jack Canfield, the author of 25 Principles of Success. At least I still have hope.

Hope... itu yg paling penting buat aku skrg.

sy yg tgh marah

I don't know why these past few days asyik rs nk mrh org je.. serba serbi buat sume x kne.. haish! I hate this kind of feeling, sbb nnt bile nk buat sume keje konpem x jdik or the result won't be as expected.

And just now, my SV told all of us to submit an abstract for conference paper, latest by tomorrow. What the fish?? I don't even know where to start.. (I am that kind of person who will get panic on the spot and everything will be blurrrred.. as blur as you can imagine! *sigh*)

And just now also, (haish, byknye just now aku), I found out that sume lab mate sudah mndapat elaun masing2.. uwaa. nape asik aku je yg kne?? npe aku x dpt2 lg? ;(( last month pun mcm tu jgk.. but that I can understand, sbb borang tu bndahari x terima. tp xkn ilang lagi kot borang tu wahai encik tutttt... sy x larat ok asik nk call encik je.. sy pun malu kot, mntk duit sndiri kt org lain.. eeeeeeeee, rs nk marah plus hangin satu badan plus rs nk korek lubang pastu duduk kt situ lama2.

reminiscing...

erm.. i havent done anything since yesterday. anything at all! other than reading eclipse.. ( few pages only, ok) and playing farmville. OMG, why and why did i ever play this game on the first place? now i cannot stop.

ok, after this will settle everything. i must and i will.

its been 23rd ramadhan already. time is flying away very fast. xde smgt nk raya. xtau nape. but all i know, since atuk passed away on 2001, everything's not the same anymore. there was this one incident i will never ever forget. a tragedy that effects my relationship and point of view of all my uncles, aunties dan yg sewaktu dgnnye. name je dh dewasa, tp otak ltk kt lutut. this anger will never fade away..

kt sni ad seorg pakcik yg jual sate kt kedai mkn.. muka die seiras my atuk. tiap kali jmpe, rs mcm nk sgt g kt die, cium tgn die. smpi skrg kalo teringt arwah atuk sy masih menangis. maklum la, first cucu and dia pnh jg sy mase kecik dlu. syg sbb dia x smpt nk tgok kejayaan sy. al-fatihah utk arwah atuk. im missing you soo much..

till next time..

.............wondering

have you ever feel hopeless and wish you were as perfect as others could be?

i'm feeling that right now. right at this very moment *sigh*

my sanity has been provoked!

i am mad, very mad at myself. sume yg aku wat arini sume x jd. tensen! im as clumsy as someone could be! damn it!