I wish I was....

sometimes, I wish I was better at doing things accordingly..

I wish I could manage my time based on my priorities.. (sometimes I did success, but most of the time, I didn't! there was just too much distractions nowadays!)

I wish I could be as good as I was before.

yeah, things are supposed to make you doing your works / chores a lot more faster & easier, but then again, you've to admit the downsides as well.. *sigh*

I should stop from moaning and sulking, right? It won't help me at all. Instead, I should just straightaway doin' things I was supposed to do!

yeah, you go girl!

i don't need you, or you, or you!

sedih bila semua bnda yg kita buat, ade saje yg tak kene di mata seseorang.

salah ke?

so, x perlu buat ape2 lg untuk impress sape2.. buat habes beras je. sikit pun org tak hargai.

moral of the story? - jgn duk sibuk terhegeh2 sayang kat org lain lebih dr syg diri sendiri. some people really don't know how to appreciate you kindness, your affection towards them!

yg penting, tuhan tetap ade dgn kita 24/7..

orang lain, bleh blah! konon cakap itu ini, tapi die pun 2 x 5 jugak. hampeh!

it's a lesson worth remembering.

sape tanak kawen oi!

Lately bila tengok orang lain kawen, or orang lain tgh preggie or org lain tgh bercuti dengan hubby tersayang, tak dapat tidak, mesti terbit rasa jeles! ee, tak baik kan? syuh2 jealousy, off you go! off you go!

yes, people around you will ask non-stop.. "bila nak kawen Aishah?" "plan bile?" "dlm tahun ni ke?"..pastu siap ada member yg duk cakap "barang2 yg diguna utk bina masjid tu tak perlu yg mahal, cantik, yg penting masjid tu siap a.s.a.p"... well, hellooo,.. meh sini nak habaq mai...

if and only if kawen tu macam pergi beratur kat pejabat tok kadi lepas settle isi borang, I swear to God that I will be the first person of doing it. Not that I'm too desperate of getting married, but of course, utk mengelakkan dosa2 yg kita bleh totally get rid of dengan berkahwin.

But then, lain org lain cara. I'm not dreaming for my wedding day to be super grand, but of course, takkan lah nak pegi bagitau sume orang yg kita ada masalah itu ini.

sorry to say, but rezeki ko murah kot, sbb kita same2 masih blaja, tapi ko kawen dulu sbb laki ko keje kt tmpt gaji ribu riban, duit kepuk2.. Naim pulak, mesti ko bleh argue yg die dh keje lama, takkn takde duit simpanan kot.. abes, takkan ingt duit gaji bulan2 tu die x bayar sewa rumah? kereta? telepon? and as for me, mmg la ade elaun tiap2 bulan same mcm ko, tapi mcm ko x bese pulak, cukup ke elaun tu utk kawen? jwb sket!
and then, lu bleh argue yg ktorg bleh plak beli kete cik city, tapi x leh kawen.. eh, sukati la kan ktorg nk beli kete ape.. we do have our own planning in our lives. so what the hell, right??
kete tu kami same2 bayar.. and tuhan bagi rezeki lebih nk beli kereta yg selesa.. wth again?

lu pkir la sendiri.. sape yg tanak kawen cepat.. but then, lain org, lain ragam, lain permasalahan hidup.

ok..dah abes sesi luahkan perasaan..

real purpose of my blog

Sometimes, I forget the sole purpose of this blog, that is to share the ups and downs of my life. bila rs sedih, rs happy, terasa, or ape2 rs la.. I was too eager to write something that I feel most people would love to read, but in the end, I got lost! I should have listened to what my heart says, i guess. pedulikn la iklan2 tu sume, or perasaan utk mengimpress org lain dgn my writing.

Just like today, I feel sad, sbb bnde yg aku paling nak skrg ni, rs mcm x tercapai je. It's getting farther away as each day goes by. I tried really hard to get that thing, as it was my very first time I felt soooooooo into it! so, bile sume bnde yg spttnye jd senang, tbe2 x jd seperti yg dirancang, hanya kerana kesilapan org lain. dan org lain tu x bkn adlh family kita sndiri. so how should I react? mad? sad? angry? fury? revenge? rs mcm x patut kn rs mcm tu dgn family sndiri.

tapi..... kalo dh sll sgt jd mcm tu.. apo nk dikato? when everything that you own and you want, and one of your closest family pun nk jgk mcm tu.. ape kate org, copycat kn? and obviously pulak tu! aku nk tong sampah, die pun nk tong sampah! haish! siyesly rs bengang yg amat.. can't you just stick to your own ? without having to entirely copy most of my belongings?? mmg, org akan cakap.. "normal la tu, dh nme pun family kn?" tp kalo sll sgt, jdik cam abnormal pulak. and I dont even know how to react at this moment, other than to feel mad & sad! xpe la, rezeki die kot.. tp. satu pesanan utk si dia "ko mmg x kn puas ati kn dgn ape yg aku ad kn? sume aku buat, sume ko nk tiru.. just go and find you own damn way!"

bak kata org, Allah xkn mnzalimi hambaNya. maybe ape yg kite nk tu x ckup baik utk kte skrg, and maybe Dia ad sesuatu yg lebih besaaarrr dr ape yg kita nak, and of course, way better dr ape yg kte nak.. *mode berserah pd Yang Esa*..

and right now, it was raining heavily here. As heavy as my heart feels. :(

this is the view through my window. it's raining heavily!

p/s: sgt bengang dgn seorang kakitangan di sini yg handle elaun kami cm tuttt! rs cm org bodo je cek kt tenet byk kali, tgok dh masuk ke x.. tp tak! hampeh.