real purpose of my blog

Sometimes, I forget the sole purpose of this blog, that is to share the ups and downs of my life. bila rs sedih, rs happy, terasa, or ape2 rs la.. I was too eager to write something that I feel most people would love to read, but in the end, I got lost! I should have listened to what my heart says, i guess. pedulikn la iklan2 tu sume, or perasaan utk mengimpress org lain dgn my writing.

Just like today, I feel sad, sbb bnde yg aku paling nak skrg ni, rs mcm x tercapai je. It's getting farther away as each day goes by. I tried really hard to get that thing, as it was my very first time I felt soooooooo into it! so, bile sume bnde yg spttnye jd senang, tbe2 x jd seperti yg dirancang, hanya kerana kesilapan org lain. dan org lain tu x bkn adlh family kita sndiri. so how should I react? mad? sad? angry? fury? revenge? rs mcm x patut kn rs mcm tu dgn family sndiri.

tapi..... kalo dh sll sgt jd mcm tu.. apo nk dikato? when everything that you own and you want, and one of your closest family pun nk jgk mcm tu.. ape kate org, copycat kn? and obviously pulak tu! aku nk tong sampah, die pun nk tong sampah! haish! siyesly rs bengang yg amat.. can't you just stick to your own ? without having to entirely copy most of my belongings?? mmg, org akan cakap.. "normal la tu, dh nme pun family kn?" tp kalo sll sgt, jdik cam abnormal pulak. and I dont even know how to react at this moment, other than to feel mad & sad! xpe la, rezeki die kot.. tp. satu pesanan utk si dia "ko mmg x kn puas ati kn dgn ape yg aku ad kn? sume aku buat, sume ko nk tiru.. just go and find you own damn way!"

bak kata org, Allah xkn mnzalimi hambaNya. maybe ape yg kite nk tu x ckup baik utk kte skrg, and maybe Dia ad sesuatu yg lebih besaaarrr dr ape yg kita nak, and of course, way better dr ape yg kte nak.. *mode berserah pd Yang Esa*..

and right now, it was raining heavily here. As heavy as my heart feels. :(

this is the view through my window. it's raining heavily!

p/s: sgt bengang dgn seorang kakitangan di sini yg handle elaun kami cm tuttt! rs cm org bodo je cek kt tenet byk kali, tgok dh masuk ke x.. tp tak! hampeh.