isnin dtg lagi

hari sabtu & ahad yg lepas merupakan hari yg agak busy for me. my parents come all the way from our hometown sbb nk anta my little sis back to usm in penang, cuti sem dah berakhir, smbil tu jln2 carik mkn.. but due to the short trip, cume smpt bwk g 2 tmpt mkn shj.

and as for today? sgt bersemangat utk review balik my resolutions throughout this year, and I'm planning to make a brand new, updated list for next year! mane2 yg x tercapai akan dilkasanakan pd tahun dpn, insyaAllah.. harap2 tahun dpn tahun yg baik dan great for me to finish my master. aminn...

ok, ni update sgla mcm fail & kertas atas meja nih..

till next time.. :)

what I did best when I couldn't sleep

there was this one time where I couldn't sleep at all. so, all I did was the thing that any of girls in this world do their best.. shopping!! hehe.. dgn x malunye aku pegi ke bilik one of my labmate, kak yana.. her roomate which happened to have a sis living in Japan, menjual baju2 & aksesori yg menarik all the way from Japan. and bile dh duk situ, each and every baju yg die jual aku belek2, godek2, even before ni dh tgok, godek, belek byk kali... sj tgok2 balik kot2 ad yg terbekenan time tu... but sadly... nothing that captured my eyes.. :(

so, beralih ke aksesori.. die jual gelang, phone strap & hairband.. sume design cool2 and chick style. belek pnye belek, I finally chose these 3 items.. total money spent? RM7 only.. :)

siap dpt free paper beg kaler pink lg yoouu..

yg dpt free tu belah kanan, yg belah kiri tu from Etude House, aritu ad beli make up fixer. not bad jgk Etude House ni.. but I prefer to shop at Elianto.. smpi bile pegi kdg2 dh x tahu nk beli ape.. heh.

till next time ;)

personaliti si April

I got this one kt satu mjlh, tapi memang x ingt ape nama magz tersebut. each issue they will feature this according to month. and since bulan sy lahir adlh April, sy telah salin satu copy dr mjlh tersebut.. sila tgok.. ;)

1) sangat aktif dan dinamik.. (ye ke? skang rs mcm agak lemau je @_@)

2) cpt bertindak dan cepat membuat keputusan, tapiii cepat menyesal.. *malu2*

3) sgt menarik dan pandai manjakan diri

4) punya daya mental yg sgt kuat

5) suka diberi perhatian.. erk?

6) sgt diplomatik (pndai memujuk).. agak la.. :D

7) pandai berkawan

8) pndai menyelesaikan mslh org

9) sgt berani dan tiada perasaan takut

10) pengasih & penyayang

11) sopan santun dan pemurah

12) emosi cepat terusik dan perlu belajar utk kawal emosi

13) ada potensi utk berdendam. don't mess with me! hahaha *gelak jahat*

14) agresif dan suka adventure

15) kuat daya ingatan

16) gerak hati yg sgt kuat .. definitely!

17) pndai mendorong diri sendiri & memotivasikan org lain

18) berpenyakit di sekitar kepala & dada.. wah, kne bhati2 ni..

hmm, dlm byk2 list di atas, x dpt dinafikan byk yg relate dgn diri sndiri. tapi, apepun kite sndiri yg perlu mengubah nasib dan attitude diri kita.. perkara di atas hnyalah guide utk kte improve to be a better person.

and if I'm not mistaken, Dr Fadzilah Kamsah ad tulis artikel pasal personaliti diri. I think this one might be his writing. Correct me if I'm wrong okayh.

gtg. take care.

Back to December

I am, at the moment, in love with this song from Taylor Swift, "Back to December".. every time I listen to the song, it gives me goosebumps, perhaps for the strong lyrics and in a way, it relates to my previous life also.. check out the lyrics below. By the way, Taylor is one of the most talented artist so far, not to mention she wrote all the lyrics herself. Way to go girl!

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier then ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why

'Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to december all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to december, turn around and make it all right and
I go back to december all the time

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn't call
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side,
Realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to december all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to december, turn around and change my own mind and
I go back to december all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand

But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to december
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine and
I go back to december, turn around and make it alright and
I go back to december, turn around and change my own mind and
I go back to december all the time

All the time

[credit to: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/taylor_swift/back_to_december.html]

overall, this song is about her wishes to go back to december to make everyhting right for that person she once loved, and there has been a rumour that Taylor wrote this song as an apology for Taylor Lautner where they used to be together back in 2009 I guess. Frankly speaking, I love to see them both together. Don't you? ;) and Taylor is a nice boy.. well, who doesnt love to see him shirtless in New Moon,right? hehe.

As for me, I learned a lesson, the hard way. and yeah, I wish to go back to say my apology to the person I once hurt, and like they say, what goes around comes around. The same thing happened to me. I got hurt way too deep and it effected me a lot! It got me thinking for a long time that maybe I deserved that kind of punishment, for I did the same to other person.

how I wish to say I'm sorry for everything that I've done in the past to him..

I'm happy now and I wish him for the same too.

and as for the person who once broke my heart, I do wish to go back to punch him in the face, hard!

mixed up felings

ok, I don't mean to exaggerate. but, siyesly rs lain sgt ad rumet ni.. maybe sbb dh agak lame kot aku duk single, and I'm getting used to living alone in this room, which I like a lot.. and then, someday, out of the blue, someone I barely knew, was about to be my roomate. seronok ad jgk, sbb dh xd la tkot kalo blok ni sunyi ke ape.. tp, in a way, rs agak sedih.

ok, tu je nk luahkn mlm ni.

rumet baru

hari ni dikejutkn dgn satu berita yg ermm.. excited jgk, tp lebih kpd x syiokk.. i got new rumate! so, bile dpt tau pg td kat lab, kelam kabut balik bilik sbb yesterday I just washed all my clothes and you can imagine all of them hanging and laying everywhere, literally everywhere ok. :p balik2, barang si dia dh ad kt katil, tp tuan x nmpk lagi.. so, kms2 sume and bju2 tu letak atas katil je..

perasaan? nk kate excited x sgt, sbb dh biase duk sorang, rs best pulak. xd kne set rules or whatsoever, bilik pun kte leh stylekn ukut citarasa sndiri.. (x la style mane pun).. sedih pulak sbb x rs spacious cm dulu..

harap2 si dia ok and bleh sekepala. oh, she's older than me by the way. 26.

1 perkara baru psl kawen

pagi td pegi ke airport in Penang sbb one my friend, Zati mntk teman die anta husband die ke sana. she just got married last November ago. so, kira ni first time berpisah dgn hubby die yg keje kt Sarawak.

On our way back, there were lots of things that we talked about. maklum la, sejak lepas kawen, mmg xd chance nk jmpe dia and borak personally sbb we were busy with our own works. She just moved in to a new house, so mmg bz lg la dari aku.

Dalam byk2 bnde yg ktorg borak, ad satu bnda ni yg mmg aku x kn lupa, and bila ingt balik, rs nk tersengih je.. hehe.. die ckp lebih kurang mcm ni.. "bile ko da kawen nanti, ape yg ko expect dr dia mmg totally different! x kisah la ko dh kenal dia 4-5 tahun before kawen, tp bile lps kawen, definitely ko akan rs mcm die org yg baru ko kenal!" hahahah.. the reason of me laughing is because before ni, mmg ad bace kt mane tah, bila kita kwen, ad 110% lg bnde psl dia yg kte rs kte dh tau, but we are totally WRONG! byk lg bnde psl si dia yg kita akan figure out lps kwen nnt. *wink*

I guess the article was right! sbb dh jd kt one of my closest friend. And as always, like any other newly wed, pasti die akan ckp cmni, "best kahwin! cpt2 sket shah!" hahaha... mmg sy pun x saba nk figure out bnde baru pasal bakal hubby. moga dipermudahkan segalanya.. insyaAllah.

this is the pic taken on the way balik td. sgt sejuk skrg sbb tiap2 ari hujan, siyesly xd mood nk buat ape2 other than berhibernasi sahaja! mari melawat kampus sy! ;)

my nuffnang.. sila abaikan jumlah itu. kegembiraan yg pnting.

sbrnye dh lame nk tunjuk bnde nih, tp asik lupe dan malas sj.. the last few weeks mmg aku agak rajin berblogwalking, dgn harapan org akan dtg ke blog kita and dpt la sket earning dr nuffnang. sbb tgok bile org cite pasal dpt duit dr nuffnang, looks cool! org dtg blog kita, smbil bace, smbil kelik. cume dgn syarat, kte kene la rajin berjalan ke blog org.. well, long story short, mase balik uma last week, I did not online as usual, as I was busy helping my mother and being a camerawoman for the mjlis kenduri cukur jambul. and then, tbe2 rs terbukak ati nk log in to nuffnag. and i was surprised!

at last! dpt jgk earning. yee, sy tau, nilai itu cume 25 sen shj. tp amat bernilai bg aku sbb before ni duk tgok, asik 0.00. pastu x d la ramai sgt pun visitor kt blog aku. kat facebook pun, aku x letak link blog ni, for personal reasons. at least, I can be more honest writing here, compared to facebook. agak2 sakit hati dgn si polan, bleh luahkn kt sni, sbb chances utk si polan bace blog aku ni agak tipis. hihi..

tp sedih.. mngu ni mmg x blogwalking lgsg. bz dgn lab, pastu byk bnde kne pk, smpi kt blog dh ade berpuluh draf yg dh basi I guess.

so, lps ni nk kne rajin skit... :D

ok, itu saja. ;)

hmm.. lala. lulu.. lalu?~~

ok, siyesly, since yesterday I feel damn lazy! nk buat semua bnde x kene. bile dh start wat bnde tu, stop kejap, pk nk wat bnde lain. bile dh buat bnde lain tu pulak, br nk start teringt bnde lain yg lain pulak yg nk dibuat. haish. x bleh jd nih.. parah gk galo dibiar lame2.. sume kje x jd. mati la aku! hahaha..

well, not much has happened since I last updated this blog. There are, by the way, a few thoughts and mixed up feelings inside my mind. I've been fighting with my own feelings about lots of things. I think it's right as they say, 'you don't know what you've got til it's gone." ok, ni xd kaitan dgn sape2 or dgn relationship aku. everything's ok, cumenye byk bermonolog dgn diri sndiri.

ni la natijahnye kalo duk sorg2 kot? hahaha.. it's either you end up bring more peace in your life, or you feel like a crazy person sometime, sbb asik duk sorg2 je.. nk g jln2 bilik org malas. sume malas,. bongooksss betul!

I feel good today

Today I feel quite enthusiastic! I woke up with a smile on my face (ok, that's a lie) :p, and I already got my to-do list for today!

And yes, I do believe in what God has in store for us. Everything is going to be OK, I reckon. I just need to be patient and have more interest in what I'm currently doing.

Oh, suddenly the mood to read journals and speed up my lab work has emerged back! I feel delighted! :D

p/s: Ben Bradshaw nk dtg sini. Ad sesape beminat nk jmpe die? hehehe..

real purpose of my blog

Sometimes, I forget the sole purpose of this blog, that is to share the ups and downs of my life. bila rs sedih, rs happy, terasa, or ape2 rs la.. I was too eager to write something that I feel most people would love to read, but in the end, I got lost! I should have listened to what my heart says, i guess. pedulikn la iklan2 tu sume, or perasaan utk mengimpress org lain dgn my writing.

Just like today, I feel sad, sbb bnde yg aku paling nak skrg ni, rs mcm x tercapai je. It's getting farther away as each day goes by. I tried really hard to get that thing, as it was my very first time I felt soooooooo into it! so, bile sume bnde yg spttnye jd senang, tbe2 x jd seperti yg dirancang, hanya kerana kesilapan org lain. dan org lain tu x bkn adlh family kita sndiri. so how should I react? mad? sad? angry? fury? revenge? rs mcm x patut kn rs mcm tu dgn family sndiri.

tapi..... kalo dh sll sgt jd mcm tu.. apo nk dikato? when everything that you own and you want, and one of your closest family pun nk jgk mcm tu.. ape kate org, copycat kn? and obviously pulak tu! aku nk tong sampah, die pun nk tong sampah! haish! siyesly rs bengang yg amat.. can't you just stick to your own ? without having to entirely copy most of my belongings?? mmg, org akan cakap.. "normal la tu, dh nme pun family kn?" tp kalo sll sgt, jdik cam abnormal pulak. and I dont even know how to react at this moment, other than to feel mad & sad! xpe la, rezeki die kot.. tp. satu pesanan utk si dia "ko mmg x kn puas ati kn dgn ape yg aku ad kn? sume aku buat, sume ko nk tiru.. just go and find you own damn way!"

bak kata org, Allah xkn mnzalimi hambaNya. maybe ape yg kite nk tu x ckup baik utk kte skrg, and maybe Dia ad sesuatu yg lebih besaaarrr dr ape yg kita nak, and of course, way better dr ape yg kte nak.. *mode berserah pd Yang Esa*..

and right now, it was raining heavily here. As heavy as my heart feels. :(

this is the view through my window. it's raining heavily!

p/s: sgt bengang dgn seorang kakitangan di sini yg handle elaun kami cm tuttt! rs cm org bodo je cek kt tenet byk kali, tgok dh masuk ke x.. tp tak! hampeh.